Greetings from Nauseaville.

Oh, hello there. How are you these days? As you might guess, things have been a little rough around here, at least for one person. Camilla is doing great, the Blueberry is doing great, and husband is doing great (and has risen to new heights of helpfulness!), but I am not feeling so hot. I would probably be doing better if someone could tell me how to turn down the smell volume on, like, everything, but most especially the kitchen. We try to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible. Today is rainy and cool so I’ve opened all sorts of windows in an attempt to get the smell of husband’s probably-delicious carrot ginger soup out. Soup of all sorts is a no-go right now.

I’d forgotten that, along with nausea and exhaustion, the first trimester brings a lot of apathy. It’s probably a good thing. Otherwise, I’d be bothered by the junk on my carpet and my unwashed bathroom but still not have the energy to do anything about it. This way, I can look and just not care. Hah hah! The only thing that has to get cleaned more regularly is the toilet, and that’s only be cause we spend so much time face-to-face.

Fortunately, Camilla has been in unusually good spirits recently and is very easily amused. Whenever I vomit, for example, she stands there helpfully and laughs. And then she runs over to check the toilet and see if anything came out. I try to oblige her by eating as many Fla-Vor-Ice popsicles as possible (once again, the apathy helps me not to care that they’re mostly corn syrup) and giving her something pretty to look at. She certainly does seem appreciative.

All joking aside, however, I find it a little depressing to know that I’m going to wake up the next day and the next and the next and feel like this. Pregnancy ailments are difficult in part because you know that you won’t be all better tomorrow. (In fact, you can’t even want to be better because then you wouldn’t be pregnant.) I know that “there’s an end in sight” and all that, but when the end is two or four or eight months away, it doesn’t help very much with the day-to-day stuff.

That’s when I started thinking about people who have cancer and long-term illnesses and feel terrible all the time but don’t get to have a baby at the end. How do they deal with the discomforts? I read an article in Harper’s once where the author made the very astute observation that there is no right that people feel more keenly attached to than that of good health. We all think that we’re entitled to perfectly functioning bodies and grow easily resentful if something goes awry, as though something we owned had been stolen from us. But we don’t own our bodies, and nothing proves that point like pregnancy. I have a little tenant now who’s sharing this space. And the both of us share another space with a husband and child, and I don’t want to poison that environment for everyone with grumpiness and complaining. I know that I wasn’t the nicest person to live with during my last pregnancy, and I am praying and trying very hard to make this one different.

So to that end, I will eat another popsicle and try to make another amusing moment for Camilla. Oh, and wait for the last disc of Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 to arrive in my mailbox. While I might feel apathetic about my carpet, I desperately, desperately want to know how that show ends.

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9 thoughts on “Greetings from Nauseaville.

  1. Camilla checking the toilet is a mental picture that is really making me laugh! I bet she will be like Addie and will love peeking at baby’s poopy diapers too :) I watched a lot of tv during my pregnancies and when the baby’s were little and awake until 11am – I think we watched all the seasons of West Wing, Lost and I (not Matt) watched the first 2 seasons of Big Love between the 2 pregnancies. And now the little one is one year old and I hardly remember the nausea… time to do it again??

  2. Oh, I am so sorry you’re not feeling well, Paula. But it is true, even when you are sick you write great blog posts! Are you guys going to find out the sex of the baby, or keep it a surprise?
    -Ali

  3. Leah, if you honestly don’t remember the nausea then yeah, you’re probably in good shape for another one. :) And now that you mention it, I am SURE that Camilla will want a peek in the baby’s diapers. Gross.

    Miranda, I saw the movie…does that make the series redundant?

  4. I remember thinking the same thing about people with long term illnesses; I knew I would ultimately get better and have a baby, but they wouldn’t. I ate a ton of dry cereal, and during the night when everyone else was sleeping but of course I was being sick, I would eat my cereal and read hymns out of my hymn book from Connecticutt days. It actually was comforting. And when it got unendIurable, I called Bobby Coonradt because I knew she would pray for me over the phone. I even read Edith Schaeffer’s book, Affliction; the most helpful part of that book was the Bible verses it led me to read, particularly in Ps 119. It’s a great psalm–Maxwell memorized the whole thing. And he wasn’t even pregnant! I love you, honey, and will pray for you diligently.

  5. I’m sorry you don’t feel very good but it is nice to know that the baby seems healthy :) I’m seconding Miranda’s suggestion. I watched both the tv series and movie and enjoyed both. If you are interested, hulu has the first episode (as well as like the 11th – 14th for some reason) online, so you could just check it out… love you!

  6. Pingback: Swimming Rama « Mariana

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